Fur babies & life

The past couple of weeks have been pretty good.  I have been spending a little bit more time with my fur babies.  We have been trying for a good while to conceive so its been good to spend more time with my fur babies. I have been so worried about everything for a while now, so it's been good focusing on the fur babies that I have.  Cats provide a lot of companionship.  I think any animal really provides good companionship.  They love their owners so much.  They become like part of the family.  If your me they are part of the family.
I have decide to get certified in Zumba.  This is something I have wanted to do since I started going to Zumba.  I love going to the classes.  So I am glad I have figured something to do while I search for jobs.  I probably won't get certified for a little while, but that's the plan.
I am still learning about taking care of a home.  So keeps me busy.  I am also OCD.  So that's another thing that takes up time.  Overall, everything is going good.  By the way, I am still working on my book. I have found a church I love.  I started going to Eagles Way.  I am glad to be back in church again.  It's great to be working on my New Years resolutions. Till next time.

"Dream until your dreams comes true" -Aerosmith

It's been a long time.....

I have not posted on here in forever. It has been a year and about 6 months. A lot has happened in that time.  I have healed a lot since then but still has more to go.  I finished up college.  I have my bachelors in early childhood education.  I have decided not to teach.  The thought of me being the adult in the classroom scarred me to death.  So I am looking for a job in general.  My husband and I have finally gotten our own place.  We love it! But I also loved living with my family.  We have also decided to start a family.  My mind has continued to heal.  So a lot has been going on.  I still get upset about the ways things have turned out but not as often.  Hey, who wouldn't get upset at times if they have been through this much.  I know God has a purpose for me cause if he didn't I would not be here.  I am continuing to learn new things about myself daily.  I will figure out my plan eventually but I have time while I'm still healing.  I know I want to help people but that's I know right now.  So until next time.



thought for the next day or so: There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:1

Surgery, Sinus Infections, and STAPH

     So I know its been a while.  I had my surgery on May 10,2011.  The surgery went very well.  I didn't have any problems from it.  I am doing really well since then.  Its weird to feel my head now and it to be solid instead of soft.  I had to beg all the doctors and nurses not to shave to much of my hair off.  When I first had my accident, they shaved my whole left side of my head.  So I begged with them not to shaved to much with the wedding coming up.  They all were very nice because they shaved just what they needed too.  I understand why they shaved so much off to begin with because they did not know where the damage was. All they knew was that it was on the left side.  I have gotten sick since my surgery.
    I had a sinus infection last week.  They had to give me a strong antibiotic because of my history with STAPH.  Even know, I do not have  it anymore I still have a history of it.  I have had to stay out of the sun because the medicine had sulfur in it.  I have not felt that bad since I woke in the hospital.  I have the same thing in common with my favorite  comic book character.  Rick from The Walking Dead.  He woke up from a coma in the hospital.    
    Other than that I have been really good.  Everything is starting to fall into place.  I start school again in August.  I am getting excited more and more each day.  Also, I am driving again.  I drove on the interstate for the first time since I had to stop driving.  I did really good. I only got a little bit nervous.  I used to get nervous when the semis went by and it was the same thing now.  I am still driving with supervision but I will be able to drive to school in August by myself.  At first, I begged my parents to drive me everywhere so I would not have to drive.  But now I am glad I can drive again.  It will be nice to be independent again.  I have gotten used to be dependent on everyone but it will be nice to be independent again.  But I enjoyed being a kid I guess that's why I have been good with relying on everyone.  It takes be back to being a kid.
     I have been busy planning the wedding too.  I am doing a lot of the work my self.  I really injury doing Arts and Crafts is why I enjoy doing the activities myself.  I have a lot done and just a little bit left to do.  I am getting excited the closer it gets.
     I have watch some new t.v. series also.  I started watching Prison Break.  I love the show.  It really is a good show.  I like watching prison shows because Nick works at a prison and it gives me an insight at what he does.  I really like watching the Disney channel now.  I used to love it when I was a kid.  It takes me back to being a kid again.  They actually have a lot of good clean shows.  So I am going to sign out for now.  I am going to start posting more.  My surgery had me kinda of out of it after all of it.  I promise to post twice a month.  That is something I can keep up.  Good night Everyone!

Surgery

I finally have a surgery date.  May 10th. Next Tuesday.  I am so glad to get it done.  Its taken almost a year just to get the plate put in.  I still don't understand why they didn't put it in to begin with.  I am so tired of sitting at home all the time.  I am literally bored to death.  I am so tired of being here.  I have so many things I want to do.  I want to get out of this state.  I wish I could move to a tropical place.  I guess I am stuck here till I go back to work.  I can't wait to go back to work, school, and normal activities.  I want to be able to drive again too.  And not have to rely on others to take me places.  I am very grateful that I have had people to take me all the places I have needed to go.  I am glad that my family, Nick, and my friends have put up with me while going through all this.  I am just ready to start working on my bucket list.  I want to travel the world and have children and all that.  So I am finally glad that I can start living my life again.  Once I get the plate on I can move on with my life.  I will not be on house arrest anymore either.  I just have to get through this surgery.  I am not nervous about this surgery.  I guess because I have has so many surgeries now I have gotten used to it.  I will be freed finally from the cage of my brain injury Tuesday!

Fall Wedding

     So I really have not been up to anything.  I sit at home all the time now.  So I just find things to keep me busy.  You know that saying "idol hands are the devils playground."  So I always try to keep busy.  I am starting to study for the GACE.  I figure I will need a couple of times of taking the test now.  I might even pass it on the first try.  That might be true for the General Edu, because the first GACE test I took was easy and it is about the same stuff with some new stuff.  So we will have to see. 
     I am making a list everyday now to make sure I get everything done.  I have so much I need to be working on, I need to make list to remind me what I need to get done.  I am enjoying spending all the time with the cats.  I am going to miss it when I can't spend a lot of time with them.  I really love spending time with my cats.  I especially love spending time with Polka Dot, Salem, and Felix.  Those are my  three favorite boys.  They love spending time with me too I think.  They act like it too.
     So we have finally set a date.  October 1st this year.  I know it is a year early but it really is not really that early because we were planning this year before the accident.  I am really excited.  Nick is really excited too.  So I have a lot to get done.  I have 6 more months to go.  So I have a lot to do before then.  I already had a lot of stuff done before we decided on a date.  We decided this year because of the year I have had.  It has been a rough year  for us.  Thankfully it keeps getting better.  I have one more surgery to go then I out of the clear for all of the surgeries.  So it will be a good ending for the year.  After the rough couple of years its been so it will be a good ending to the year.     
 

Its been a long time

So I would be graduating in 6 weeks but I will not be because of my bad luck.  But instead I am on house arrest still.  I can't do anything because I still don't have a plate in.  I am still waiting to hear from SSI.  I probably won't get it because I am not retarded enough.  The truth is that the government does not want anyone getting it because its more money they have to give away.  Its really screwed up the way the government works.  They don't want to help anyone.  So if you get disables you can count on the government not wanting to help.  They want a one cent tax to help build whatever they think they need but when someone gets disabled they come up with an excuse for you not to get it.  I wish I could go into politics because I would change a lot of that.  I am just one person who was disabled and see how it has effected me.  Imagine all the people that get disabled for life not just temporary disabled.  They can never work or do anything.  I will be able to go back to school in August and go back to work next August if I can get a job.  So its retarded how our government works.  The president and all the famous politicians can go on expensive vacations and I am stuck not being able to pay my medical bill.  Something is not right with that picture.  So hopefully they will give me an answer soon and if I don't get it I can go back to work.  Maybe I can be a stripper to pay for college.  Really I would never do that.  That is just gross.  But I would love to go back to my office job.  I miss the job and the people.  I miss school too.  I am so tired of sitting at home all the time.  So we are looking at late April to have the plate put in.  So I have 2 more months left of house arrest. And I will be able to get out of the house again.   And I can go back to work if I can't get SSI.  Which I won't probably get.  If I do go back to work its going to be difficult because there are so many things I can't do.  So I will be stuck in a office room away from the patients.  So hopefully things will look up for me after all this.  Hopefully I will have good luck after all this for the rest of my life.

Since my Birthday

Everything has been good since my birthday. I am feeling more and more like myself. My brain has clicked even more this week. I meet a girl down the road from me. She has a brain injury also. She had her accident in September. Her accident was 2 months after mine. She is doing good for the time period. It was nice to meet someone who went through all the things I went through. She is only a year younger than me. She used to go to Pike in Elementary school. I am just glad to have meet someone that knows what I am going through that lives down the road from me. I finally found a place for the wedding. I want to have the ceremony at a church and the reception at a restaurant near our house. It's in Williamson so it is very close. I might have figured out which bridesmaids dresses I like the best. If I go with David's Bridal all my bridesmaids get $20 off. I found a wedding dress but I want to find a cheaper one. That is about all I have been up too. I am really enjoying having all this time off. I am enjoying the warm weather too. I want spring and summer to be here so I can enjoy the sun.

I know its been a while

I know its been a while since I posted. I get angry a lot because of people and situations.  I do not want to post when I am angry because I know I will get in trouble for posting things about other people.  That is why I have not blogged in a while.  I do not want to blog angry.  So I just do not blog.  I have been busy a lot of days too.  I really have not been up to much. I am counting the days the away till I can go back to school.  I have two more months till I find out if I get SSI. If I do not get it I am going back to work because I have to save up for a car and the wedding.  I am getting cabin fever being stuck in the house.  The doctor first said I did not need a plate because the place was so small.  But then they said I needed one.  So I do not think the doctors even know.  I cannot go back to school yet anyway. I have to wait till August to finish up the program.  So I could not go back yet anyway.  Its going to be stressful so When I go back because I have to take five classes and 100 hours in a school.  So I wish they would let me take some of the easy classes now but I know they cannot make a change for one person.  Then everybody would want then to change something for them.  So hopefully they will let me take a few easy classes this summer while they are teaching this summer.  I am talking about a computer class or something like that.  Just something to get my feet wet before I take a plunge into all the classes and hours at once.   I just hate being stuck at home.  I am just glad I have my cats. They have become my friends that I get to spend a lot of time with.  They really are a lot of company.  They  talk, play, sleep, eat all day.  When I say talk I mean they meow all day long.  When they meow back and forth it sounds like they are having a conversation.  They will put the plate in April.  So I have two more months to go. Its just going to be a slow two months.  I just want to be able to exercise again.  I will find out in 2 more weeks when I can exercise again.  So hopefully I will be able too.  I really want to go back to Zumba.  I miss going to Zumba. So hopefully I will be able to go again soon.

I can Breathe again

I can finally breathe again.  I had surgery to resection my windpipe on Friday.    The surgery went very well. I am so glad to finally have this done with.  It only took one time to get the IV in this time.  Last time it 10 times to get it in. This time I drank a lot of water the day before so it would be easier to get the IV in.  Now I have one more surgery to go. I have to get the plate put in my head.  After that I am done with the surgeries.  I am so glad I am so close to being done with all of this. I cannot wait to go running again and go to Zumba.  I want to run a marathon after going through all this.  I am going to start doing the Cancer walks. I will probably be able to go home tomorrow. I have been in here since Friday.  I have enjoyed being in the hospital this time.  I still have to be on a liquid diet since I have been here. I see the speech therapist tomorrow so hopefully I will get to eat real food tomorrow.  I have been on morphine for pain but they took me off of it yesterday.  It was making me itch.  Or something was making me itch.  I am not in a lot of pain now.  It was really sore right after surgery. Now It just hurts because I have to stay at a 40 degree angle and it is getting sore from being in the same position all day and the past 2 days.  I had two IVs after the surgery.  They had to take those out last night because my veins were starting to collapse so they had to put another IV in.  The 3rd IV did not hurt because I was used to being stuck.  The anesthesiologist looked like the guy Shane from The Walking Dead.  If course when I asked him if he watched it he did not know what I was talking about.  I have really liked all the medical workers at Emory. They are all so very nice and you can tell they love their job.  But overall surgery went well. I was not nervous this time because I was ready to get it over with and be able to breathe again.  I am excited about being able to exercise again.  All I left to do is the plate and hopefully that will be sooner than later. But that is about all for now. The pain med makes me sleepy.

I Will Breathe Again!

I am starting to feel somewhat normal now.  There are some things that are little off.  But for the most part everything feels somewhat normal.  I have surgery to re section my windpipe the 21st of this month.  So hopefully I will be able to breathe again.  My breathing is the same still but its not getting any better.  And hopefully I will have the plate put in soon also.  I am going to get to volunteer at my Dad's school soon.  I can not wait.  I want to work with the special education teacher.  I really want to go into special education now.  If you would have asked me two years ago I would have been like I  will never teach special education.  But now that is what I want to teach.  Its funny how much one can change in just a couple of years.  I am glad I have changed but  I hate that it took this happening to me for me to change my perspective.   I am just getting cabin fever sitting in the house all the time.  Especially since the ice storm.  I have been iced in.  I have gotten to leave the house once since the ice storm.  I get to leave the house again today.  Nick is taking me to see movies today.  Polka Dot is sweet today.  I love the way he looks at me.  He looks at me like I am his mom.  I am glad I have my cats.  If I did not have them I would go crazy.  The cats are like people now to me.  So  I can not wait to start volunteering.  It will be good for me to be around real people.  The cats are very entertaining  to be around them a lot now.  They  chase, run, and play all day long.  Sabrina says in the T.V. room with me all day long.  The others sleep off and on during the day.  I love my cats.  They are my co-workers, class mates, and friends.  I am happy  I have complains While everyone at work.  I cannot wait till they do the surgery.  I will finally be able to breathe again.   and I cannot wait till they get the plate in.  I will finally be able to go back to school.  I am just ready to be done with school.  I finally caught up on my live text.  I have all the classes I have taken  assignments posted.  So now I just have to classes I have to take assignments to post.  I am glad to have that checked off my list.

Too Much Time

I am sorry I am late posting again.  I am going to try to post once a day but I will more than likely post at least 3  or 4 times a week more if time permits.  They are going to stretched my windpipe again Friday.  I hope this fixes this for good.  It probably wont but I can hope.  I am getting tired of not being able to breathe.  I want the plate in too. I am tired of not being able to do anything.  I feel like I am on house arrest.  I understand why my parents do not want me doing much I really do.  I just get tired of it sometimes.  I just want August to hurry up and get here.  Its just not fair that other people are out walking around doing whatever they want and my life has been put back a year.  And the worst part of it is that I have to sit around till August and do nothing but have plenty of time to dwell on all of it.  I am trying to make the best of it but its gets hard at times.  I see other people graduating, getting married and finishing school and it makes me hate my situation.  It would be different if this was my fault but its not.  If only life would be fair.  Bad things are always going to happen to good people and bad people never get what they deserve.  I am talking about rapist and murders. Why could this have happened to a rapist.  At least a rapist would have deserved it.  I guess one thing I have learned is that life is not fair anytime.  So I guess I can expect to divorce, have a child with health problems, and to become paralyzed by the time I am 40.  I have gotten some good things out of this but I do not think I needed to figured those things out.  I know now that Nick is the one.  But I did not need to go though this to learn that.  I know now what I want to do for a career.  But I think I would have figured that out while student teaching.  I am just  glad I have family and friends who are there for me.  I just wish that some people would realize that just because I am finish with therapy that I am fully healed.  But for your information I will not be totally healed for at least a year.  I am talking about the other people who think that they have so many problems but at least your life has not been put on hold and you can actually breathe.  And when the people who get cancer who smoked I have no pity for you because you did it to yourself.  At least with my breathing problem I did not bring it upon my self.  So I still have a long way to go to a full recovery.  So for all the people who think I am fully recovered I am not and will not be for a while.  I am just tired of having too much time.  One thing that people want more of is time well you can take all the extra time I have now and keep it.  Hopefully I will get to volunteer at my Dad's school soon. Well once the plate is in.  So I have something to look forward to now.  I just wish time would speed up.

The New Year

I am sorry again I have not written in a week.  The holidays are so busy.  I figured no one wanted to hear me complain about how much this all sucks.  Anyway the new year has been good so far.  I am really annoyed that I have to spend another year in school.  It really sucks.  I would be starting student teaching this week if it were not for this accident.  Now it will take me 6 years to get a four  year degree.  I guess I have a good excuse because I really do have a brain injury now.  I figure I can get my portfolio done before I go back in August.  I am going to start studying for the GACE also.  I have to take the early childhood Special ed. part of the GACE. So I figure I have plenty of time to study for it.  I am just ready to be done with all of it.  I am ready to move and start a life with Nick.  I am tired of my plans never working out.  But I guess I should be used to that by now.  So my throat is closing up again.  So I will have to get my windpipe stretched again.  They are doing something about it this week.  So I have another surgery this week.  I woke up last time at the end of it so I hope they give me enough this time.  I spend New Years Eve with my parents.  Which was a first.  We went to eat dinner and watched movies.  I want my adulthood back but that will never happen.  I am adjusting to being a kid again pretty good.  I thought I would have a harder time with it.  I just hope this year is a lot better than last year.  Last year sucked.  I just want to get better and stay that way.  I want all my health problems to go away.  I am tired of hospitals and doctors.  My goal for the year is to see Doctors less.  I want to stay as far away from hospitals too.  I have to get the plate put in so I am not including that in the hospital list.  I will probably have to get my windpipe stretched out a couple of times and then probably have to get it re sectioned later on.  I hope they will fix it with the next stretching of my windpipe.  I just hope they do not have to cut it out.  That is a four month recovery period.  So I do not want them to have to do that.  I just hope this year is better than the last.    

Christmas Eve

I am sorry I have not posted in a couple of days.  I am getting bad about forgetting to post.  I had a great time at Nick's Christmas family dinner.  It was good to see everyone.  I got see most of Nick's family.  Nick's Aunt Missy was at the hospital with Daniel.  Jeremy even got to come home for Christmas.  Nick is spending Christmas morning with his family and coming to my house after that so we can go to my Aunt's house, brother's house, and Granny's house.  I am watching Love Actually with my family.  This is a good Christmas movie.  There is a weird and awkward part in the movie too.  Felix the cat is playing with all the Christmas wrapping stuff.  My mom is wrapping the last minute presents.  All the kitties are coming in the T.V. room wondering what we are doing.  Salem is loving on me.  All the cats know that tomorrow is a big day.  I cannot wait to see my new niece Kaylee.  She is so beautiful.  She was born on December 21,2010.  This will be her first Christmas.  We got her a cute gift.  I know she will look beautiful in it.  I love being able to see all my family during this time of the year.  I love spending it with my family, Nick, and my kitties.  It is getting really cold outside now.  It was supposed to snow tomorrow night.  But I highly doubt it will.  We are in Georgia after all.  I hope everybody has a great and merry Christmas.

The Past Couple of Days

Sorry I have not posted on here in a couple of days.  I just do not feel good anymore. My sinuses are killing me and I keep having headaches.  I am having headaches where I have I no skull.  I have a feeling I am having phantom pains.  I go to see my Neurologist in January.  So I hope he can figure out what is wrong.  I have not laughed in a couple of weeks and its starting to worry me.  I worry that I am becoming Bipolar.  My mood switches really fast now.   I try to stay level but gets hard.  I get to spend a lot of time with my cats now.  I just worry that I will became the crazy cat lady.  I try to spend a lot of time with humans so I do not became the crazy cat lady.  I also have drama going on.  I hate drama and girls seem to love drama.  I just wish drama would stop following me.  I have learned who my true friends are this past year.  I just wish all these things would stop happening to me.  This will be Felix's first Christmas with us.  I need to get the cats some treats and toys for Christmas.  I should wrap their presents and put cat nip all in it. That would be funny.  I am looking forward to Christmas.  Its supposed to snow Christmas day and night so maybe I will get a white Christmas after all. 

The Life Cycle

I know I already posted today but some days I have a lot to say.  I want to explain to everyone why I am not upset about the accident.  At first I was kind of upset but that did not last long.  I see the wreck as being fate.  Not that I think that bad things happen to me in general.  I see it as if I did not get hurt then five or ten other people would have gotten hurt.  Life and death is like the seasons and nature.  There is a time for everything.  I feel like if you mess with that order of life then you will be responsible for other people getting hurt.  For example I was watching Supernatural the other night and one of the main characters had to be death for a day.  There was a little girl that heart problems that he had to take out.  He battled internally over whether or not to take her.  So he decided to let her live.  When he did the nurse that was taking care of her was brought into the ER and he was to supposed to out her.  He ended up having to out five or six other people because he would not out the girl.  He finally realized if he would have taken her out to begin with all those other people would not have died.  He ended up taking her in the end.  But he learned that there is a time for everything.  And if you mess with that order you do not know what or who will end up getting up instead.  So the point I am trying to make is that if would have not been in that wreck five or six other people could have gotten hurt.  What I am trying to say is that is was my time to get hurt and if I would have messed with that I do not know what would have happened.  It is kind of like a chain reaction.  I am glad I was not hurt anymore that I was.  My wounds will heal too.  Yes, it was and still is hard to deal with but I would rather deal with this than feel responsible for other people getting hurt. 

It's Finally Friday!!

Sorry I did not post yesterday.   I went through all my clothes yesterday.  I reorganized my closet.  I am taking my name brand clothes to a consignment store.  I figured that would be a good way to make some money.  I finally organized my color and type of clothing.  I got to go to dinner with a good friend last night.  It was really good to see her.  I have not seen her in a month or two.  It makes me miss going to school and my old life.  I am just glad I get to see my friends though.  I am tying to make the best out of this situation.  I am kind of getting used to having a brain injury.  I got to go see Nick's moms new kitten.  She has two cats now.  One is named Tabby and his not a kitten anymore.  When I grabbed him on the back of his neck to clean his nose and eyes he cries like a little girl.  He keeps yelling like a little girl.  The other one is named Simba.  Nick's younger brother Zack named him after The Lion King.  He looks like he has a little of miniature cat in him.  He is so tiny for a month or two old kitten.  He is very playful and cute.  When you do not pet him for a while he starts whining.  He has a cute whine.  I got to play with both of them for a while.  The kitten was more playful.  Tabby is a drama queen so he would not love on me that much.  The kitten loved me.  He liked all the attention.  So yesterday was a great day.  It was the first day I got out of the house this week.  I had been in my pj's all week.  My dad has the next two weeks off.  So I am glad I get to see him the next two weeks.  I am glad I will have somebody here instead of being home by my self all the time.  I am used to going all the time.  So this has been hard to get used too.  I am trying to make the best of it.  But it gets hard at times.  I keep telling myself that this only for a short period of time.  Today has been good so far.  If I did not have my cats I would go insane.  Felix the blind one follows me everywhere and loves on me all day.  I am going shopping tomorrow and going to a friends wedding.  So I will have a busy day.

What To Do

I am sorry I have not posted on here in a couple of days.  I was up all last night trying to figure out what to do with my life.  I want to finish my degree.  And I am going to finish my degree.  So that is not the question.  I want to teach still but I want to teach traumatic brain injury students.  I have no desire to work in a regular classroom.  I want to work with Traumatic Brain Injury students.  I really want to help other people who have the same condition as me.  I thought about going back to school for occupational therapy but I really do not want to go back to school.  I hate school as it is.  I really do not want to spend another two or three years to finish school.  The only thing that sucks about being a teacher is that the pay sucks.  I would start off at 30 grand a year and no hope of ever getting a pay raise.  The state does not pay extra for when you get your masters.  So I am not going to do that now.  I just do not want to spend any extra time in school.  I am tired of it and cannot handle it with my brain injury now.  My last year of school is going to be really tough now with my injury.  I used to could handle anything but now I cannot.  I called Stepping  Stones today and they have a brain injury class.  They asked me if I wanted to come visit.  So I think I will.  This is my passion to work with traumatic brain injury students.  So I would like to do something  enjoy doing.  I feel like I am fifteen again and have no idea what to do with my life.  I just can not figure out what to do with my life now.  After all that has happened I feel lost again.  I feel like I have no direction in my life.  So I thinking about going to Stepping Stones one day in January to visit and see if that is what I want to do.   I think its what I want to do.  I just hope I figure it out soon because I cannot go another night without sleep.

I can breathe again!

I was in the hospital since Tuesday.  I got out Saturday and slept all day Sunday.  It feels awesome being able to breathe again.  Sorry I did not update but I could not in the hospital.  I am sorry to all my readers.  But the good news is I can breath again.  So I will start from the beginning.  I had a doctor's appointment Tuesday at 9:45 am.  At the doctor's appointment I was sent to the hospital for a CAT scan for my throat and my chest.  I went to the ER.  After the CAT scan I met with the doctor.  He said I had a tiny hole to breathe out of in my windpipe.  So he admitted me to the hospital.  They held me at Henry Medical Center until they could get me to Emory.  The doctor had referred me to a doctor at Emory.  He was a expert in this type of surgery.  I was transferred to Emory in Thursday night around 11:30 pm.  They did the surgery on Friday afternoon.  I was so nervous about the surgery.  I cried like three or four times about it.  I was scared about being put to sleep.  I could not eat from Thursday night until Saturday around noon.  On Friday, They put an IV in my right arm and did an X-ray on my chest.  When they took me back I so tired of waiting for surgery that I was not as scared anymore.  Nick and my mom was back in the pre-op room with me before surgery.  My dad came back there too.  They gave me something to keep me calm.  When they took me back I was so tired of waiting I was like lets go.  They went down my windpipe with a scope and camera.  The scar tissue was soft and not hard.  So they stretched my windpipe where it was trying to close.  I woke up near the end of when they had to put a tube down my throat again because my throat started spasms.  I could have sworn they said I was having a a seizer.  All I could think about was I can't drive for even longer.  But I was not awake for long because next thing I remember is I woke up in the post op room with a nurse standing over me.  They told me the surgery went well.  i was finally brought back to my room at 8:30 that night.  I think i was in post op for a couple of hours.  I could actually breathe again.  It felt awesome.  I could not eat or drink anything until the next day.  I was thirsting to death.  They gave me morphine for pain.  My stomach was hurting from coughing so hard.  My throat was hurting a lot too.  I finally got to take my medicine on Sunday.  I was so glad I got to take my medicine again on the next day.  The doctor said that I have an 70 to 80% chance that the procedure would actually work.  I hope I am in the 70 to 80 % that it will work.  My throat closing up was a 2 to 3% chance that it would close up after a Vent was in.  So I was in that 2 to 3% chance so I guess I should buy a lottery ticket now.  I am just glad I can finally breathe again.  I really hope the surgery works.  I can not go through not being able to breathe again.  I feel so much better now.  If the stretching does not work the doctor will cut open my chest and resection my Windpipe.  They will have to cut the scar tissue out because it could grow back.  The doctor said that stretching the windpipe works a lot of the time.  So I am hoping and praying that this will work.

I feel like I am sufficating

I still can't breathe. Sorry to complain so much.  I have an appointment with a specialist tomorrow.  I have almost gone to the ER like twice now.  I have a upper respiratory infection so that does not help.  If the doctor will not do surgery tomorrow I am getting my mom to take me to the ER..  We called two doctors last night.  We called the doctor I am going to see tomorrow  and they said he will not do anything until he sees me.  Since I am not his patient.  They said go the ER.  The doctor has an answering service and that is who answered the phone.  My mom has slept with me the past three days.  We were up all last night trying to decide whether or not to take me to the ER.  So if this doctor will not do emergency surgery tomorrow I am going to the ER,  If he says we need to schedule it I will yell at him because I am getting to the end of being able to deal with this.  I just hope it's scar tissue in my throat.  If it's not them then I don't want to go on.  This awful.  I don't want to spend the rest of my life with this problem.  I am going to the ER for sure if the Doctor acts like it's no big deal that I can't breathe and tries to schedule the surgery.  I will go to Piedmont, Grady, or Macon Medical Center.  This is ridiculous that they have not gone and looked down my throat.  I have scar tissue fro m the Ventilator and the Trach.  I just thought I was done with going through life threatening  health problems.  So just please pay that they fix it tomorrow. 

I can't breathe

I hate not being able to breathe.  I cannot sleep anymore because I am afraid I will quit breathing.  I go Tuesday to the doctor that specializes in my chest area.  We are hoping they will do the scope thing Friday of next week.  The breathing doctor told me that I have scar tissue in my Trach so I hope the chest doctor will laser it off when they do the scope thing.  I feel like I am drowning in water.  I hate the feeling of suffocating.  I just hope they can fix it.  I hope that I do not have to breath like this for now on.  I just hope they can find a cure to my breathing problem.  My mom had to sleep with me because I am afraid I will quit breathing during the night.  She is going to sleep with me until they fix my breathing.  We are all afraid I will quit breathing in my sleep.  I hate it.  I cannot sleep anymore either.  I can only sleep till about 10 or 11 now.  I was sleeping until noon, 1 or 2.  I hope I can sleep more when they fix my breathing.  My mom put her breathing machine on me this morning.  I could breathe better with it on because it was giving me constant air.  I need one of those.  She quits breathing in her sleep she has sleep apnea.  So she has to have a breathing machine.  It helped a lot.  That is what I have asking them to take me to the ER so they will put me on oxygen.  So I least I have a fix for my breathing for now.  At least I can breathe when I need the air.  I just wish that Tuesday would hurry up and get here.