Too Much Time

I am sorry I am late posting again.  I am going to try to post once a day but I will more than likely post at least 3  or 4 times a week more if time permits.  They are going to stretched my windpipe again Friday.  I hope this fixes this for good.  It probably wont but I can hope.  I am getting tired of not being able to breathe.  I want the plate in too. I am tired of not being able to do anything.  I feel like I am on house arrest.  I understand why my parents do not want me doing much I really do.  I just get tired of it sometimes.  I just want August to hurry up and get here.  Its just not fair that other people are out walking around doing whatever they want and my life has been put back a year.  And the worst part of it is that I have to sit around till August and do nothing but have plenty of time to dwell on all of it.  I am trying to make the best of it but its gets hard at times.  I see other people graduating, getting married and finishing school and it makes me hate my situation.  It would be different if this was my fault but its not.  If only life would be fair.  Bad things are always going to happen to good people and bad people never get what they deserve.  I am talking about rapist and murders. Why could this have happened to a rapist.  At least a rapist would have deserved it.  I guess one thing I have learned is that life is not fair anytime.  So I guess I can expect to divorce, have a child with health problems, and to become paralyzed by the time I am 40.  I have gotten some good things out of this but I do not think I needed to figured those things out.  I know now that Nick is the one.  But I did not need to go though this to learn that.  I know now what I want to do for a career.  But I think I would have figured that out while student teaching.  I am just  glad I have family and friends who are there for me.  I just wish that some people would realize that just because I am finish with therapy that I am fully healed.  But for your information I will not be totally healed for at least a year.  I am talking about the other people who think that they have so many problems but at least your life has not been put on hold and you can actually breathe.  And when the people who get cancer who smoked I have no pity for you because you did it to yourself.  At least with my breathing problem I did not bring it upon my self.  So I still have a long way to go to a full recovery.  So for all the people who think I am fully recovered I am not and will not be for a while.  I am just tired of having too much time.  One thing that people want more of is time well you can take all the extra time I have now and keep it.  Hopefully I will get to volunteer at my Dad's school soon. Well once the plate is in.  So I have something to look forward to now.  I just wish time would speed up.